Credo Series - Respect for One and Other [4]

Where does respect for self and another begin and which comes first? Do we have to respect ourselves before we can respect another? Or can we afford respect to others but not to ourselves? What is the simplest form of respect that we can afford to another? Is it listening to another? Is it taking on board what concerns another as if it was a matter of importance to you personally, as in the case of coupledom? Is it keeping your word? Or is it showing up on time? I imagine their are a myriad number of ways in which we can both afford respect to another and ourselves. Top of mind for me today is the respect one affords to an appointment time. I am speaking here about those people who are always late.  

Such that today having arrived in good time for a lunch engagement as I am want to do to savour the occasion of dining out, at the appointed hour a text arrived instead of the person. “Just put the cake in the oven and it takes 55 minutes to cook” or some such thing. I was not surprised for interestingly I had a sense this would occur the day before. Before leaving the lunch venue I replied to the text saying “there is really no answer”.

Quite why I choose those words I don’t know hence exploring in these writings what they meant, for the other person did not know either! Maybe it was because ‘I had no answer’ to the reason why another does not afford the same respect to meeting times and thus meeting up as I do. The answer to that question lays with the other person. I do not have the answer and knowing their answer does not change the situation of perpetual lateness and how I feel about it.

For myself I decided that I would afford myself the respect the other person did not. I would not wait as I have had the habit of doing over the years. I would make myself matter and not meet with people who cannot be bothered to meet. It seems that today was the day I decided that we need to respect ourselves before another does likewise. Even if another does not respect my decision to leave, I did. For I have drawn a line in the sand as to my boundaries. 

People come and go from our lives and maybe my deciding not to wait was just part of the process of moving on from some people and I wrapped this particular context around it. Am I sorry this occurred? Of course I am. But there is no point hanging on to something that does not enhance my experience of my life. We are talking of a long term pattern here of mutual disrespect. One being late and myself accepting it.

It reminds me of another person I use to see from time to time. The last time they arrived on my doorstep I asked them to leave their phone in their car given on previous occasions the visit was not really a visit — it was just a venue to talk to whoever was ringing in to talk to them. I got not a word in edgeways.  Such that there was not really a meet up at all. I have not seen that particular person much since then, but like the person I missed meeting up with today I have fond thoughts thereof. Yet fonder thoughts as to not wasting my time on people who value not the person they purport they want to see. 

On a deeper level though these two experiences highlight how we can live in the detail of our lives and get caught up in doing such that we forget what is most important. Precious people and the value of your word. People become more important as one traverses life, such depending on your life stage, not all will realise this. Deeds however are something to be aware of whatever your life chapter. Deeds matter more than words. So for those of you who are one of the late brigade, maybe ponder the effect you have on others by your tardiness and question if your lack of respect for others is a continuation of your lack of respect of your-self. Likewise for those who are the ‘waiters’ consider if you are affording yourself the respect only you can give to yourself.  Don’t wait. 

When you take on the ethos of living your life from the inside out that is looking within and valuing yourself first, then in knowing the value of value, you can more willingly afford respect to another. Begin with affording respect to your self and then you will more easily determine who in the outside world is worthy of your respect.

Date: Wednesday, September 22, 2021

Authoress: Carol Lorraine

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